i am not ok

yes i'm willing to admit it. i'm not ok, i know that. i can fake it sometimes. and sometimes i get soo good at doing it that i believe it myself... but i know the truth...and it surfaces soon enough. i need to keep busy. being bored and at home along gives me too much time to realise what i'm missing....like sometimes everything will be pretty good, and then there is this thing that tells me something is wrong, something is missing and for a moment i dont know exactly waht it is....and then i realise and it all comes to me. or you know that feeling when something bad happened the night before and you go to sleep and the next morning as you wake up and realise what happened, and its like reliving it all over again.. w/e what does it matter......the only person who will read this is the person i'm missing most, cass and nat dont even write on their blogs anymore, they are both too busy......i wish i was.... anyways i'm gonna go attempt to do more math...
bye

Good weekend

sooooo here i shall give you an overview of my weekend and up untill like today:

Friday: i actually cant really remember what happened on this day, i'm positive that i hung out with George for like most of it....and i think we went to blockbuster to rent Cheaper by the Dozen 2 and yeah... ummm.... hmmmm... george if you remember just fill me in when you read this. most likely something big happened and i'm too much of a retard to remember... sigh....

Saturday: saturday was teh best day ever! it was me and george's day of fun together. he came to my house at like 8:45 and then we made breakfast and packed it up, we headed to waterloo park where we proceded to eat out breakfast of french toast, i had cereal and he had a bagel and cream cheese, we had oranges and pineapple and juice... it was awsome! really it was... then we went back to my house where we washed our dishes and stuff.. then we went to the farmers market, where i bought strawberries and candy apples and i got HOLEY SOLES! which are exactly like Crocs but like 10 dollars cheaper... they even have like the same hole pattern lol. adn yeah i'm like in love with them yup. and then we took the bus back and while on the bus we saw AN ORANGE AZTEK! OMG i thought they didnt exist cause i had never seen one before... but now i know that they do! oh man... then... umm maybe it was saturday that we rented teh movie...yeah i think it was... so yeah we rented the movie and ummm yeah lol hung out and stuff... george ended up staying untill like 12:30... well he kinda had to stay later cause i ended up crying on is shoulder for a while... but yeah.. overall it was an awsome day!

Sunday: we had church.. which was kinda boring.. or it was really boring and the music sucked but w/e then i went to George's house for lunch... and helped them pack and stuff and move things... and then.... ummm....i went home and i took Tom's(george's younger brother) newt with me cause he cant move with it ( it would be too much stress on the newt) and i got a cool table thing lol. i then proceded to do stuff around the house like cleaning charlies cage, but had to stop halfway in because i got the worst stomach ach ever and i felt as thought i was gonna blow chunks at any moment.. i crawled to the upstairs bathroom and after a while fell asleep with my head by the toilet. i woke up and went to sleep on mikha's bed... George came over and found me there lol. we ate chicken nuggets and french fries and then we went back to his house where i spent untill like 1:30 hanging out with his guy friends and playing at the park with them lol.

Monday: i skipped school to hang out with George so i woke up early and started working on his goodbye gift, i went to Zehrs to pic up our pictures and i proceded to work untill like 11:30 finishing his gift. i took like the fastest shower ever and then he come over...we went to chapters and got drinks... we looked at the cutest puppies in the mall ever! and then we came back to my house and exchanged gifts and he gave me the pretties bracelet ever and i gave him a photo album with our pictures in it with little commentaries underneath it. yup he really liked it. and then we just kinda sat in the livingroom/i fell asleep lol. and then.. umm... we walked back to his house and saw the moving truck pull away with all their stuff in it.... and umm we went to the galbraiths house and had dinner and then we went to his jujitsu class and he said goodbye.... then we went back to the galbraiths and hung out there for a bit..... set off some fireworks and stuff... then i had to go home.. which was the saddest thing ever...George and his mom and dad came and said bye to my family.. i started to bawl and yeah.. we said goodbye..... i then proceded to cry myself to sleep.....

tuesday: was yearbook day, George called in the morning and he and dave gave me a ride to school, we just kinda said a quick goodbye cause i was all cried out ( or at least i thought i was). yearbook day was really fun i tried my hardest to act ok but really wasnt... almost cried multiple times during the day. we ( natalie , cass, chris, zak, Kruti and i ) to symposium for lunch and i had sweet potatoe fries... and it was great, and then i went home and yeah .. played the Sims for a while and stuff... my family came home and yeah.... umm i pretty much spent the night sleeping and crying some more and vegging in my room. yup.

Wednesday: went to school, hung out with natalie and cass and yeah... came home and vegged on the computer, and now i'm writing this... i should be studying for biology and english cause my exams are tomorrow but ill get to that in ust a moment. ok so thats all . hope you all have a good evening!

<3 iara


*where did you go? i miss you so, seems like its been forever, that you've been gone, please come back home*

NO SEX!

ok so yeah this is lame and its late but i'm bored. so this is a journal response thingy that i had to write for Health and i wrote in on sex b4 marriage... and how you shouldnt do it... bot for the religeous reasons really.. just cause its more practical... yeah ok so its lame but deal with it.

During our health unit, when the question of “how many people plan on moving in with their boyfriend or fiancé, before marrying them?” was asked, and I was surprised at how many people put up their hand. I did expect the majority of the class to raise their hand, however there were only a couple of people (me included) who raised their hand to the question of “who does not plan on moving in with their boyfriend or fiancé before marrying them?” I do not believe that moving in with somebody that you are in a relationship with, before marriage is a good thing. It will most likely lead to having sex, because when you are in the moment and all the facilities that are needed are right at hand it is going to be extremely hard to resist. I do not believe in sex before marriage, and not because I am a Christian and in my religion sex before marriage is not right. I don’t believe in sex before marriage because of the huge responsibilities and complications that come along with it. Sex shouldn’t be just another thing to do in a relationship to have fun. It is probably a great and enjoyable way to feel closer to your partner and have fun, and things like that, but you can become closer to your partner and have fun by doing other things. Going for walks, watching movies together, going to fun places, or maybe just sitting down and talking are awesome ways to have fun and feel closer without involving sex. Hugging, kissing, just sitting with each other or even making out are ok, as long as you don’t go too far and know when to stop. All it takes is self control, and if perhaps you are a person without very much self control, put yourself in the position where you wouldn’t be able to go too far with your actions even if you wanted to. Stay in a well lit area, or stay at home with your parents in the house, go to a public place where lots of people are around.
With sex sometimes come very big responsibilities that usually only married couples can handle to the best of their ability. Sex may not seem like so much fun anymore when you become pregnant and have to raise a child as a single parent, because rarely do couples who get pregnant outside of marriage stay together. This leaves a child to grow up in a broken family, traveling from one parents house to the next every week, or maybe the child will just live with the mother, or father, and speaking from experience, it is not the best life for a child to grow up with only one parent, when it could all be avoided if sex was just put off until after marriage. After marriage you know that if you get pregnant unexpectedly, that you are more prepared to have a baby and raise it properly than if you were not married, because usually not being married means that you aren’t ready just yet to settle down and raise a family.
Also having sex outside of marriage brings the risk of getting an STD or STI. Your partners might not be completely faithful, or they may have a STD without knowing it from a previous relationship. Whereas when married, your partner is faithful (or is suppose to be) and if you have both not been sexually active outside of marriage you don’t have to worry about STDs and STIs because neither of you have been exposed to them.
I do realize that sex is probably an exciting and fun thing, and that waiting until marriage before having sex is probably hard; imagine the rewards of doing so however. Your virginity is something that cannot be bought back or replaced, mended or found again. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good. It’s a big thing, every time you have sex with somebody it’s like giving up a part of yourself to them. If you wait until marriage you have the ability to give your spouse one of the rarest presents there are. You can give them your whole self, and not half, or a quarter or what’s left after sleeping with 20 guys during your high school and university years. It’s telling them that you waited your whole life just for them and that you want to basically give your whole self to them, and what a better thing to give to the person that you love and wish to spend the rest of your life with.

ok that was it.. now leave a comment... but dont go too in depth cause i cant actually remember what i wrote on it. lol

ok i take that back... i read it, and yes it is one of the lamest things i have ever written. i think i wrote it at like 1 am in a desperate attempt to finish it and hand it in. lol oh well.. its a good thing that i dont plan on being a writer! and you dont have to leave a comment unless your so appauled by what i wrote that you must.. or unless you would like to congradulate me on a journal well written.. in that case GET OFF THE DRUGS! cause the journal sucked... ok bye!

OK ill update!

ok so i'm updating after not too subtle hints left as comments. lol. its ok i dont mean to leave this thing unattended i just never find time to update it. so here i shall do that now. so yeah idn really what to tell you all. i have a biology lab exam tomorrow and i havent really studied all that much. i know the info i just have to remind myself of it. ill go over the human organs and parts of a cell and the info about the roots, stem and leafs of a plant and the difference between monocots and dicots and stuff. sigh and i was suppose to have my film review and my timeline done for tomorrow for english but i'm not going to. sigh.
also i still have to write my world history essay. yeesh.. there is soo much to do and no time to do it in at least not in next like 5 or so days. Where i will be spending as much time as possible with george b4 he leaves and i dont see him for a good 1 to 2 years. I mean aside from the occasional visit we will not see each other. and this is the moment when i realise that life sucks yes it does indeed. i should tell him to get a web cam, at least then we can see each other over msn. long distance relationships suck and are heartbreaking and hurt. but breaking up or taking a break is not an option so dont ask, it wont happen. Its gonn be hell x 10 but its jsut something that we will have to go through.
anywho i need to go job hunting again. i do need a summer job so yeah. idn where i want to work tho. i kinda want to work at a pet store.. but the only pet stores close are Petcetera where a lot of emo type ppl work and the pet store in the mall seems cool but i dont think they are hiring and the weird tall skinny guy with the chains and weird hair that i sold condoms to once at zellers works there.
sigh, this summer there are some things that i need to do i will make a list..... actually i think that i already did that on here so yeah.
i think i'm in like a perma pissy mood. wel not pissy just angry. i actually cant explain it. w/e
ok so this has been my update. sorry it was sucky. if you want me to write about anything in particular just leave a comment. but its gotta be something interesting. or else i wont lol. ok well thats all
bye!

* i need a hook so you wont be the one that got away*