vent session2

hey there.
so i just had this urge to update but i dont know what to tell you guys.
Easter weekend was ok i guess. nothing at all really happened. i actually cant remember what happened on friday. i have really thought about it but i cant remember at all. i think i hung out with cass maybe... that could have been the night i lost it also ... i think it was. oh well.. then saturday i think i worked.... and then i cant remember... i hung out with George sometime i think. hmm... then sunday was a good day. i went to church for breakfast and the service was good... actually it was really funny. while i went to the bathroom Katie found my deck of cards with ancient greek sex positions on it and her and george were apparently playing go fish with them... in church .. =S ... and apparently i actually kinda blushed at some point... or turned a little red... when well here is what happened. Sky had given me a little wand type thing with a bunny on the top so we were sitting in the pews and i was like "look i'm an easter fairy". lol and then george who was sitting beside me said " a sexy easter fairy" .... unfortunatly he said it a kinda loud... so katie heard and started to laugh and bethany heard also and she told courtney (who was visiting) and katie told heather .... and yeah.. slightly embarrassing lol. oh well.... anyways after church i went george's house for lunch/dinner/massive amounts of food. and ate untill i felt about 3 monts pregnant. we (george and i) then proceded to sit in the sun for a while and then walked to my house. where we vegged. were going to go to a movie but i fell asleep and so we sat for a while.. we walked to Mc donalds to get milkshakes... mainly because i had a MASSIVE craving for one... and it was orgasmically good. then we walked to Blockbuster to rent memoirs of a geisha for my mother and then came back home where we vegged some more. yup. then he went home at about 11. ... today i have dont nothing.. my mother said i wasnt allowed to do anything today...which made me not very happy.. since i hate being home.. really right now i hate being home... i dont like school and i dont like home... i need to be somewhere else. but yeah so i wasnt/am not all that happy.. i pretty much slept the whole day in an attempt to escape life. i woke up at 11:30 did some chores. was told i couldnt do anything. so i went back to my bed and napped from about 2-3 then i was forced to take my sisters out to the park... i got back from that at about 5 ... i did something for a little.. then went back to bed at about 6 and slept till about 8:40. when i woke up and ate food and yeah... here i am. writing this at midnight, and i'm actually kinda tired. tomorrow is school... i really dont want to go... like really. the only class i actually like right now is bio, and i dont mind math....and gym because we are dancing... but i hate all my other classes. latin especially... i dont like school. i realise i will never get anywhere in life without it.. but i cant visualize the time between now and when i have actually established my career. which is soo far away... i jump from the mentality that i am excited as to what the future will hold to wishing that my life would end right now.. and feeling bad that i wont get to see my future if it does. but at the moment of that thought things are soo bad that it doesnt matter... and the only thing thats holding me back is that i will hurt too many ppl by doing so. sigh.
relay for life is coming up and i havent gotten any money for it. which is sad seeing as i have to raise 100 dollars... i'm doomed.... at least it will be my birthday.. i can pretend that its just one big giant birthday party for me. and at least george will be there, and it will be our 3 month... so it should be fun.
approximatly 2 months or so untill george moves....i dont know what to do/think, what can i do?.... nothing. whats weird is that one day his dad (the one who got the job in manitoba) asked me if i was upset or angry with him, and the truth is i'm not, i cant very well be angry with somebody for doing the best for his family, and taking one of the best opportunities ever, especially when he worked so hard and has waited a long time for something like that. i cant be angry. i am however very upset not with anybodyin particular . just upset. and hating life. life has become an actual person for me... its an actual thing. and many times i hate it. all in all i think i am depressed. officially. and probably have been since about september. tho it got a lot better in about january-march, its coming back and i cant see it going away for awhile... i actually see it getting a lot worse b4 it gets better at all. sigh. .. oh well. what can you do. anyways its really late and i have to go to school tomorrow. so ill be seeing you.
toodels.



*falling, spinning, tumbling....downwards*